Mad Mick's Wheelchair Adventures

 Looks like I have not given up, so what's been happening? This is my last day of my old life just finished my last glass of wine and my last joint. So how do I feel, stoned and pissed, what else did you except but still with it enough to write this. God has answered my prayer's again, my life was shit and i just wanted to die but i reached out and asked for help, I now have a great mental health team but even with there help i dont have the reason or motivation to do what i should, I just went through the motions but I now realise that with out all there help and work I would not be where I am now. I am in the best place I have been for a very very long time, I start my new life tomorow, no drink or drugs to cloud real life, I have to face real life now and it scares the crap out of me. The big issue has been, how will I cope with my pain without drink or drugs. I  have a plan as baldrick would say and it simple... exercise,exercise ,exercise, AA meetings, AA meetings. It is r

 The last few months I have been fighting a battle of , do I give up or keep fighting. At the moment its about 60/40 in favour of giving up but I am still fighting, I am doing my exercises and limiting my pushing and that is a lot more pain but it is starting to help, just hope it gets a little easier after the next week... I know what i should do to make my physical pains a lot better but mental health is a different matter.... My mental health is not in a good place at the moment, cannot stop thinking about ending my life, I now know how I will take my life..... I am getting help but at the end of the day i know I am the only one that can help me. I need a reason to keep going but don't really have a good one, I can't even go out for long pushes at the moment. Will see what happens tomorrow.

So what's been happening the last 11 months. I had the stone removed in September last year and was not a pleasant experience but got through it and then winter set in so did not get out much. Sitting here thinking, well what did i do in the winter, Spent a lot of time interacting with friends in a virtual world called Second Life and spent a lot of time thinking about suicide. Why do i want to end my life? simple, I have no fight left in me, living with chronic pain 24/7 for the last 53 yrs, I am just at the end of what i can take, it's only my faith in God that has kept me going this long, he has always given me the strength to keep going but I dont want to keep going any more. For the last several months when i go to bed all I have been thinking about is how to take my life, I now know how i will do it..... But..... I know i need help and I have asked for it, its taken a while but i have a team from the mental health coming to see me on Monday and have seen a physio and for