It's been a while

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So what's been happening the last 11 months.

I had the stone removed in September last year and was not a pleasant experience but got through it and then winter set in so did not get out much.

Sitting here thinking, well what did i do in the winter,

Spent a lot of time interacting with friends in a virtual world called Second Life and spent a lot of time thinking about suicide.

Why do i want to end my life? simple, I have no fight left in me, living with chronic pain 24/7 for the last 53 yrs, I am just at the end of what i can take, it's only my faith in God that has kept me going this long, he has always given me the strength to keep going but I dont want to keep going any more.

For the last several months when i go to bed all I have been thinking about is how to take my life, I now know how i will do it.....

But..... I know i need help and I have asked for it, its taken a while but i have a team from the mental health coming to see me on Monday and have seen a physio and for the last 9 days have been doing gentle stretching exercises and cutting back on the amount i push




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