Mad Mick's Wheelchair Adventures

 The last few months I have been fighting a battle of , do I give up or keep fighting. At the moment its about 60/40 in favour of giving up but I am still fighting, I am doing my exercises and limiting my pushing and that is a lot more pain but it is starting to help, just hope it gets a little easier after the next week... I know what i should do to make my physical pains a lot better but mental health is a different matter.... My mental health is not in a good place at the moment, cannot stop thinking about ending my life, I now know how I will take my life..... I am getting help but at the end of the day i know I am the only one that can help me. I need a reason to keep going but don't really have a good one, I can't even go out for long pushes at the moment. Will see what happens tomorrow.

So what's been happening the last 11 months. I had the stone removed in September last year and was not a pleasant experience but got through it and then winter set in so did not get out much. Sitting here thinking, well what did i do in the winter, Spent a lot of time interacting with friends in a virtual world called Second Life and spent a lot of time thinking about suicide. Why do i want to end my life? simple, I have no fight left in me, living with chronic pain 24/7 for the last 53 yrs, I am just at the end of what i can take, it's only my faith in God that has kept me going this long, he has always given me the strength to keep going but I dont want to keep going any more. For the last several months when i go to bed all I have been thinking about is how to take my life, I now know how i will do it..... But..... I know i need help and I have asked for it, its taken a while but i have a team from the mental health coming to see me on Monday and have seen a physio and for